Do you ever feel like God hates you? Or maybe hate is a little strong but dislike immensly? Like you've done something wrong and you are being punished? That is the feeling going on in our household right now. Johnny sends out resumes every day and hears nothing. That's hard on a person's self esteem. Mondi (the place he interviewed for) told him they filled one spot and still deciding on the other, and he only found that out because he called and inquired about where they were in the process. When we have a shot at success we get knocked down. ApplianceSmart was a great job, only to be taken away. School was suppossed to be the light at the tunnel, but why isn't it working out that way? We should be happy with just having each other right? Now we are starting to have to deal with the fact that if something doesn't come through soon we are going to have to dump the house. Imagine going through all the stuff we have accumulated and trying to fit into an apartment at this rate? More stress. Finding an apartment to let us bring all the animals? More stress. Taking into consideration Maddie is registered for school in the fall so it would need to be somewhere around here so I don't have to drive all over town to get her there. More stress. Trying not to take the stress out on each other and Maddie, difficult. This morning Maddie told me she wanted a brother or sister, yet another thing we can't succeed at. Not as if we have been trying to prevent it all these years. Just about everyone in our sunday school class is pregnant, to bad it isn't contagious,lol. So what do you do when you feel that way? I wish I could figure out what we were being punished for so we could correct it, I hope something gets better soon, we are hanging by a thread.

The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

Galatians 6:8

Some scrappy time....






Its a beautiful day out today, Maddie should have some time to enjoy it later. As for me, I'm in a "mood"...tired of stress, tired of worries, as one of my little ladies at work used to say "I'm tired of livin, tired of life, tired of livin with another mans wife" LOL --send positive vibes my way, they sure are needed.

Love and Blessings

The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

Proverbs 15:4

Happy Monday!

No word on the job front yet, please continue to pray for us while we are trying to deal with everything, especially pray for my sanity and stress level, it is through the roof and I really feel as if I will break at any time.

For those of you that don't know, Maddie's screening has come and gone. She is no where ready for Kindergarden, I can't help but blame myself for not putting her in prek last year but no need to beat myself up over it now, its done and over with, as my favorite saying goes, it is what it is. The principal said she is very distracted and "wore her out" trying to keep her on task. She asked Maddie to draw a circle Maddie said she wanted to draw a triangle. She told Maddie to draw a circle again and she asked if she could go work on a puzzle. Oh aggravating. Not to mention what they are learning there in prek is amazing! They are reading in Prek! Learning to write in cursive and print, working on phonics...the whole shabang baby. Oh, she said that she isn't mature in some areas either....like holding scissors and crayons. I'm not going to lie, I wanted to cry when she was telling me that Maddie wasn't ready and I wanted to kick myself over and over because I feel like I didn't do what I needed to do to make sure she stayed on task. I've had many words of encouragement that have told me its not big deal that she will be older and than in the end it will be better for her to be a little more mature. I've been told that Maddie will have an easier time and we will be thankful ...so next year she will be starting P4 (prek). Yes, I could put her in public school but my other problems still exsist, I still have to work which means I still need help getting her to school and keeping her after school and that service is really REALLY expensive. With the private school we can still drop her off as early as 6 and pick her up as late as 6 and we know she will be getting a great education. Although the principal did say she knows Maddie is going to be a challenge but she really thinks that being a year older will make a big difference for Maddie. If we push her into public school kindergarten and she is frustruated and therefore getting up to do her own thing they will label her as a behavior and push her aside. They don't have the time, energy for staff to keep up with that. In my heart I really feel like LCA is where she needs to be. I'm also going to have her screened for ADD. I have been saying since she was 2 that she is a little on the ADD side...of course now the sitter is saying that she has some of the characteristics. I mean seriously, how many times do you have to say "Maddie pick up your toys, Maddie pick up the toys, pick up the toys Maddie!" by that point I am irritated because its not a new task, just pick up the toys and she is starting to cry because I am getting angry. OH BOY .....let me just rip my hair out now, hopefully it will be the gray ones. I can't keep doing this if it can be "helped, fixed" or whatever.

Love and blessings!

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 16:18

Today is screening day for Maddie at school. Eek. I am so nervous, don't ask me why, I'm not the one doing it, LOL, I just know Maddie's personality...will she freak that she has to go into a room without us? Will she prove that she knows things or will she go into stubborn mode and not do anything? We've been talking to her about the whole thing so hopefully she will be fine. While she is doing her thing we are going to be interviewed and from what I have been told they will be able to tell us by the end if Maddie is officially accepted. Say a little prayer!

Johnny's job situation is still pins and needles. We still haven't heard anything from the place that he tested from, he said that the secretary told him they had people coming in all week to test and they had to have the results from all before they started to narrow down but that she hoped to have them done by the end of the week. Hmmmm...so until we hear something one way or the other, which we are hoping it will be positive words, we just keep saying prayers and try to stay positive. That is getting to be hard for Johnny though, he just wants to hear something from someone and soon. He did get a call from someone last night though requesting he forward his resume to them, it would be contract work for 10 months but at this point unless the other place comes through it would be work and experience. There is a job fair at the school next week too that he plans on going to. I just know that we need someone to bless us with a job soon, I'm not going to bore everyone with my worries of bills that need to be paid but the stress of it all is really getting to me.

Have a great weekend everyone!
Love and Blessings!

Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the LORD. Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart.

Psalm 119:1-2